A/N: Another poem with the same background. All the poems fit together in one way or another but I can't seem to get them to all fit together in a publishable way. So again please give me any feed back that you can. Also located on the page A Song of Friends.
Turning in circles
spinning around
having no idea what to do next.
Sure
there are many options
but is there anything that
I
want to do,
No there really isn't.
How can I help people through their struggles
Not Just focusing all on myself
Sure I can pray for them
but will that really be enough?
There is no chance that they'd every listen to me.
Not today
or for a while at least.
How do they get straightened out?
How can I help?
By just being your friend?
Decisions are the hardest.
Especially when people are involved.
How do you keep them
uninjured,
unhurt
emotionally.
Growing Silence
4 years ago
I like this piece. I think how you said the last stanza was amazing, I really liked the ending. One thing that I would have to say though is that I don't really get how you formatted the lines and everything... like I know that it's open format, but I don't see and the rhythm when I read it kind of seems weird and almost like awkward to read... but good job otherwise. I can totally relate with what you are trying to say
ReplyDeleteI like this quite a bit. I would say lose the last line, because it starts to get too literal, and too clear about the advice. Remember that poetry always leaves room for the reader to fill in the blanks, and derive their own answers. Your poem is clear enough without that line. Just leaving me with the sense of frustration worked well. I also appreciated the way you isolated the word "I" in that line to separate the idea, and stress the point.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really nice piece. The way you divided the stanzas worked really, creatively well for this piece and I could feel the emotions you were trying to convey, which makes it really relatable. Great job.
ReplyDeleteI really liked this piece too. I liked the emotion that you put into your piece. I agree with Mr. Johnson's comment too. I think that it would have been fine without the last line and maybe even the last two lines because it was getting too in depth as to where the reader had little space to conjure their own ideas. Otherwise, great piece.
ReplyDeleteI liked it a lot, the voice and everything that you used was really cool. I agree somewhat with what others have said about the last line. I think it finishes a thought for you, but gives you a different one to realize maybe more-so. I liked it how it is, but it could be fine the other way too.
ReplyDelete