Author's Note: Expanded from a journal entry. Let me know what you think.
Still
Unmoving and beautiful
Simple
Yet completely and totally stationary
Enormous
Towing over all others
But only an inch
Laid
In the cool wet sand
Ignored
By the ocean waves
Though frozen
In the grave of sand
Not noticed
Even though all alone
Laying there
In the sand
In that very spot
For 400 years.
I think this poem works. The repetition and form work especially well, although I would say the added space between lines may be unnecessary. Remember what I said in the poetry seminar about concrete elements in poetry? You do have some here, but I think even more would help. For example, is there a concrete image that comes to mind of a stone suggesting its age, its permanance, or resistance to showing age or change? Tough question, I know. But that would be the sort of image you would want to use. Nice job overall, and keep writing the poetry!
ReplyDeleteThat poem kind of made me sad. I liked how you used repetition, and I liked how it told a story.
ReplyDelete