AN: This is an expansion on a journal entry we did earlier this school year. Let me know what you think.
Prowling,
Through the long grasses.
Following,
The lowly giraffe.
Camouflaging,
With there surroundings.
Hiding,
Two of them
Waiting,
For the perfect moment.
Stopping,
For only a brief second.
Slinking,
Again behind there prey.
For a long while
Ten minutes,
Fifteen minutes,
Twenty minutes pass,
The moment has come.
Synchronized,
They turn on the spot.
Towards,
The lowly giraffe.
Pouncing,
On the giraffe.
Killing,
Ever so quickly
And painlessly.
Feasting,
On the remains of their kill.
Waiting,
For to again find their next meal.
not sure but think that the only place a tiger and a giraffe share habitat is a zoo... different continents...
ReplyDeleteBut the word pictures are terrifc
I really like this poem. I guess that it's true that giraffes and tigers don't live of the same continent, but I still think the poem is really good. I like how you use a verb almost every other line to pretty much sum up what the other line is saying. The only thing is the first line you used a comma, but then you had no punctuation after that. So I would either use no punctuation or always use it.
ReplyDeleteI like how you put a picture in to go along with the poem. I think it would sound better if you made the lines longer, but that was an interesting poem. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like many people write their poems with one word and then the next line explaining that word. I might change this to a different form to mix it up a little. Other then that, it was a well written poem.
ReplyDeleteNice job with the Tiger/Giraffe continent thing. (;
ReplyDeleteOverall, this was a really good poem and painted a nice picture. There were a few spelling/grammatical error type things, but it didn't distract from the overall effect.
This was a good poem, and it described a tiger hunt very well. Though tigers and giraffes live in different parts of the world, I don't really think it really affects the story other than how many people are going to point this out over and over. Like I did...just now...
ReplyDeleteYou used dome good stuff (I forget the word) in your poem, like with the 10, 15, 20 minutes thing you did (still can't remember the words), but I don't really think it flowed as well as it could have. Other than that, it was a great poem.
I agree with Jordan. The poem itself was nice, but the way that you spaced it and broke up the sentences seemed to make it a bit choppy.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I did not even notice the tiger/giraffe error with habitats because you described the act of a tiger and its prey so descriptively.Again, some possible grammatical and punctuational errors, but nothing too worrisome. I liked how you used an open and closed format -- it seemed to go with the theme of an act of nature; something that is not laid out step by step.